Unclenching the Heart

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. – 1 Kings 19:11-12

The Holy Spirit has been a puzzle to me, despite how I know he’s a living presence of God in my heart. I want him to make grand announcements and lead me in absolute certainty through life’s twisty choices. I want him to point his finger and say, “There” when I ask for any answer. But he doesn’t do that.

I wouldn’t begin to box up the Spirit and say he can’t speak in those ways. God moves all things for His glory, and if it takes a loud shout to accomplish that, He will shout. It’s just that me, when I expect His obvious direction, it’s typically for the sake of my glory and to give me an easy out. Tell me where to go, Lord, so I get what I want and don’t have to make choices – the sooner the better.

Turns out the Spirit isn’t in the business of easy outs. In fact, you can find these verses in close proximity: “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth.” (John 14:16-17) Then, two chapters later: “In this world you will have trouble…” (John 16:33) Well. So much for personal convenience.

But as Jesus promised, the Spirit IS a help, and he IS constant. His help just isn’t always what we expect. I’m sure there are ways to theologically or Biblically prove this point in an intellectual manner… But all I have for you is this story:

It’d been a long day at work. Walking into church that Wednesday evening, I hadn’t quite sluffed the cantankerous attitude I’d been building the last few hours, and I wasn’t particularly willing to release my sour temper. Still, I’d recently determined to let God work through circumstances in spite of my mood, so on my way across the parking lot I said a prayer that went something like:

“Okay, Lord, fine, I’m going in with a ‘tude, but that doesn’t mean You can’t use this time to change me. I’ll give it over and trust how You manage the evening. Just…gimmefivemoreminutestogrouseokay?”

I actually expected to walk in on a sermon preaching gratefulness not-so-subtly to my reticent heart – again, supposing holy intervention on a grand scale. Instead, as I sat down, two cohorts I knew through volunteer service stepped out of their way to greet me. That’s it. Two people, two quick hellos. But suddenly my mood flipped around. They were simple gestures, yet I knew they’d served the Spirit’s purpose to me.

The Holy Spirit, I believe, is the unclenching of the heart. He’s a chance encounter with churchmates, the prompt that tells me to sing praises when I’m uncertain, the communion with a fellow believer that changes my perspective. He nudges me to step out in faith, even when I don’t know the outcome. These are small, almost imperceptible ways in which he works. A whisper instead of a megaphone.

I’m learning to change my expectations for how God chooses to speak to me. One day He very well may take the direct approach, if that’s what it takes to grow our relationship. But it seems at the moment I’m better-shaped by the subtle nature of detailed adjustments.

7 thoughts on “Unclenching the Heart

  1. So many good things to ponder in this. I love ” a whisper instead of a megaphone”. I’ve found that true in my own life and I wonder sometimes if God speaks in quietness because He refuses to compete for our attention. To hear His voice, we need to quiet our own distractions and turn down the volume of everything else in our life. Definitely something I needed to hear today. 🙂

    1. I like the way you phrased that. I get caught so often in thinking I don’t need to listen that carefully, or I only need to listen when it’s something *I* think is important. It pretty much fosters a one-sided relationship. I think I take for granted that God is merciful enough to move on my behalf just because I’ve had a grumpy day. 🙂

  2. To be honest this is not what I want to read but thank you for posting it. Funny how needs and desires don’t always match…

  3. Oh Manda, I think this is your first blog post I’ve commented on! I’m so sporadic in my reading of it, but I am (as of 2 minutes ago) subscribed and ready for action! I laughed at your story… just because I think we all have those moments… I definitely do… where I know my heart isn’t in the right place, but I just want to wallow a bit more before I deal with it. I’ve found that often times when I have moments like this I don’t necessarily have something “new” happen, but rather a moment like this “brought to [my] remembrance” (John 14:26) as if the Spirit is saying (with infinite patience) “let’s go over this again: I’m with you; I’ll help you.” 🙂

    1. Leeann! Thank you for commenting AND subscribing! I’m delighted to have you as a reader. ^_^

      The Holy Spirit has his way of interjecting in any scenario. I find it a personal challenge to actually stop and listen. 🙂

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